U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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