I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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