dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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