if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
