yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize