She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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