does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
