I heard we made out
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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