I am full of burrito and curiosity
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
