I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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