i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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