I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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