There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
