a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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