my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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