i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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