Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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