I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
