I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
