Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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