I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
