It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
