So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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