I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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