Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You left your phone here
Wait...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
