Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
