I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
