the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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