When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
