I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
