I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
im on a boat
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