My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
