we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
