Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
