Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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