It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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