hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
