Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize