from now on my penis is your penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
