I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize