his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
