The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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