I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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