I think my fart just growled at me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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