dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
