She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
