Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
