It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
