Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
