God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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