i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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