Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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