WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
