Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
