we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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