You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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