so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
