You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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