It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
