Sry I called you an 8
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
