he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
