I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize