My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
