her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
