3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
