So drunk, too bad you don't want this
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
